My dearest Chona,
I cannot tell you, "andito lang ako..."
I've been told that many times during my husband's wake.
I know their intentions were good... They just wanted to cheer me up, comfort me, and assure me that I don't have to go through life alone. That they will be there for me.
Two years after my husband died, I realized
People will not be there for us... especially during times when we needed someone the most.
How many occasions,
I've drank coffee alone, in an attempt to drown my tears and sadness
I've walked alone, talking to myself because there was no one to talk to
Yes, there were well meaning friends who've committed to be by my side
But I also realized that they have their own lives to live
They have their own struggles to contend with
They have their own monsters to beat
And hurdles to overcome.
I cannot promise you, "andito lang ako."
I cannot even tell you, "just call my name, and I'll be there."
maganda lang syang kantahin, but don't believe it.
As I left you last night in your mother's wake
I know, after your mother is buried
And all your families and friends back in their daily grind
You will be faced with an empty space you used to call home
The deafening silence can be overpowering.
And the reality of life will hit you bad.
Yet, I am assured by your bravado, "kaya ko to."
I wish I can tell you, "andito lang ako, ha! Just call my name and I'll be there."
But Chona, andito lang ako.
When you need a friend, just call me, and I'll be there.
Sino bang magtutulungan kundi tayong mga iniwanan.
